All of us have an internal tipping point where we, often unconsciously, decide to engage in or back out of a relationship. We may base this “tip” on a variety of issues:- someone else we know, what we believe we deserve, how someone “hooks” us and what we expect from our connections and interactions with friends, colleagues, partners or spouses.
There is great value in recognising our own personal tipping points. If most of your relationships are positive and healthy, this awareness will help you make the most of your relationship choices and work through any kinks in otherwise good relationships.
Are you stuck in a rut of difficult or challenging relationships? Here’s an opportunity to do some detective work about the drivers behind your tipping point.
Many people think that they have great relationships in their life but it is only when they take a closer look do they realise that even seemingly great relationships can contain areas that drain your energy.
Warning signs that it may be time to “tip out” of a personal or professional relationship:-
- You don’t feel respected
- You doubt yourself
- You don’t feel honoured for who you are
- It simply doesn’t feel good or right
- You feel out of sync with yourself, drained of energy or bored
- You have attempted to address issues in the relationship and have been unable to resolve them to your satisfaction.
Signs of a positive relationship to “tip into” or develop further:-
- You like who you are when you interact with this person
- You feel respected for who you are
- You don’t feel judged
- The relationship energizes you, inspires you, and makes you feel good about yourself
- You have fun, learn and generally feel better off with this person in your life.
If you are in the midst of re-evaluating a relationship in either your personal or work life, here are three different lenses through which to view them:-
Change it up
Use different criteria for selecting a new business or friend. For example, if you usually jump into a relationship with both feet, slow it down. If you most often are drawn to extremely outgoing people, explore the treasures of relating to someone who’s more reserved.
Be honest with yourself
If a relationship troubles you, really evaluate this person’s place in your life. What do you tolerate?
How does this relationship enhance your life?
What do you want to say to this person? What motivates you to remain engaged in a relationship that doesn’t feel right?
Notice your relationship style
Are you like a swinging door, Velcro, a kite? Are you like a door, swinging to and fro in your relationships? Are you like Velcro – clinging so hard it’s difficult to let go? Or perhaps you resemble a kite – flying high above the ground, occasionally coming back to earth to connect? Or are you something else entirely?
All relationships – yes, even the one with your boss – are voluntary. You can choose to engage or disengage at any moment.
Whenever you think that you’re stuck dealing with a situation that is no longer healthy for you, always remember that even though removing yourself may be temporarily unpleasant, you will feel so much better when you do.